It would seem that we are in the midst of another sexual revolution.
The one that took place in the 1960s challenged the traditional morality codes of the day.
The current one has been brought on as the result of the “Me Too” and “Time’s Up” movements, which bring to light the sexual harassment and abuse of women in our world.
Last fall, when we were invited through social media to type the words “Me Too” if we had ever been sexually assaulted, I did so, thus publicly adding my voice to this movement.
It was shocking to me to see the number of other women doing the same and this sparked the questions amongst close friends of who and when.
Many of us were able to recount more than one incident and for most, it involved a male relative, neighbour, teacher or employer, rather than a stranger. Herein lays the complexity of the problem.
As a young girl or woman, not only do you feel violated, but a whole range of other emotions enter into play.
You may have already respected, liked or even loved your assailant.
After the episode you realize that things will never be the same because this line has been crossed. You feel a sense of sadness and loss.
Fear plays a big part as well, as you ponder the ramifications of telling anyone.
Will you be believed or blamed? Who will be hurt if you speak up? Will a family be torn apart if you tell? Will you lose this much needed job or receive a failing grade?
More often than not girls and women decide it’s not worth the upheaval and consequences, so instead, they grieve silently and carry on as if nothing has happened. Perhaps this is what men have relied upon all these years.
I admire the bravery of the women coming forward to face the culprits head on, something that I myself never did.
One has to wonder at the rate of women speaking out if there will be any men left standing!
For men it is a worrisome time, as they search their own minds and hearts, recalling their past actions. Was that hug given as a mere greeting or was it used as an opportunity for something more? Have they touched or fondled someone who they felt they had power over? Were their advances welcomed?
Some men are perhaps feeling defensive and wondering if what they perceived to be harmless or consensual is now being misconstrued as harassment or assault.
On the flip side of this issue is also the possibility of false accusations being made towards men or even of men coming forward with tales of their own in regards to unwanted advances made by women.
As we work our way through this painful and messy business of revolution, it will ultimately lead to the evolution of how we physically relate to one another and we will look closer at our intentions behind our interactions.
Who knows…it may even come down to respectfully asking each other, male or female, “can I give you a hug?” before taking the liberties of embracing each other.
As new laws and guidelines are put into place, one thing is for certain. We will come out of this with a deeper respect for one other and we will be less likely to remain silent when rules of conduct are broken.
Carla McLeod was born and raised in Summerland.